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5 Ways to Encourage Your Daughters That Do Not Include Her Appearance

5 Ways to Encourage Your Daughters That Do Not Include Her Appearance

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encourage daughter

Are you looking for a way to encourage your daughter and instill confidence in her that does NOT weigh on her appearance?

Yesterday I ventured out to the grocery store with both my daughters.

By myself. I know I am such a thrill seeker.

Thankfully they were both on their best behavior.

While we were there, something happened that always happens whenever I go anywhere with my daughters.

I was told by four or five complete strangers how “cute,” “beautiful,” and “adorable” my daughters are.

Don’t get me wrong, I always graciously say thank you and smile.

I don’t mind hearing how cute they are. They are my children, of course. I think they are cute.

But it got me thinking about how the statement “awe how cute” is a person’s automatic response to a little girl in a bow or dress.

But don’t you think that maybe commenting on how cute our daughters are all the time may put the idea in their heads that how they look is all that really matters?

I recently read a study about gender bias.

In this study, young girls and boys around 6 or 7 were given vague descriptions of a “really, really smart person.”

They were then shown two pictures of people. Two people who were almost identical in appearance.

One thing was different, though.

Their genders.

When asked who the “really, really smart” person was, more boys stuck with their genders while more girls chose the man. You can read more about the study here.

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Whether this study proves that young girls believe that their male peers are more intelligent than they are really is open to interpretation, in my opinion.

But this study does hint at this idea.

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If I had to choose between my daughters believing in their looks or their intelligence, I would choose intelligence every time.

I desire for my girls and every girl to know they are so much more than how they look.

But society bombards girls and women with the idea that their looks truly matter.

Whether this idea comes from their peers, television, magazines, movies, or even their own families, it is hard for girls to avoid it the older they grow.

As parents and moms to these little girls, it is our job to encourage them in their talents and traits that do not involve how they look.

How do you encourage your daughters to know that they are so much more than so cute?

My daughters are still young, and I am still learning. Still, I have found a few ways I use to encourage my daughters. First, remind them they have so many wonderful characteristics that don’t involve their appearance.

 Don’t comment on your own physical appearance or any other person’s physical appearance in front of them (or ever). 

There are things about myself that I don’t like. However, something I may see as a flaw isn’t necessarily one.

My body has carried four exceptional children.

As women, we really should cut ourselves some slack.

Our bodies do amazing things. God knew what he was doing when he created us.

It took me a while to realize this, but when I speak negatively about myself in front of my children, it affects them.

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They may start seeing extra weight as a bad thing. A crooked nose as a flaw. Or begin noticing differences in other people when otherwise they never would have.

I also don’t speak negatively about another person’s appearance, let alone to my children.

Because I want my children to know that a person is so much more than how they look.

How do I expect a child to if I can’t get past the shallowness of judging another person’s looks?

What we say about ourselves and other people, especially our children, has a considerable impact on shaping how our children see people and the world.

I want my children to love other people. I want them to grow up loving themselves.

Encourage your daughter to continue working out something they can’t figure out. 

My daughter B is very creative and confident. But recently, she has been unable to figure a complex problem out a few times, or she gets frustrated because she can’t quite do something and tries to “give up.”

She has said before, mommy, I can’t do it. I’m too little.

I always encourage her and say, “B, you can do it. You are smart. Just think about it a little more.” Along with “you can do hard things.”

Occasionally she has said, “no, I’m not mommy,” but I gently remind her that yes, she is, and she can do anything she puts her mind to.

Every single time she has been able to work out the “problem” herself after a gentle reminder from me that yes, she is capable of doing hard things. 

Now I know there may come a time when she cannot figure out a problem, and that’s when her dad and I will step in to help her.

However, when I know she can do something but just needs a little encouragement, that’s my cue to give it, not step in and do it for her.

Too often, children are stunted because parents or caregivers step in and do the hard things for them when they become frustrated.

It is incredible what a little bit of encouragement will do.

When my children fall down and get hurt, I always wait to see the injury before I react.

I can always tell if they are hurt badly and genuinely need me.

But if I react before knowing how badly they are hurt or even if they are hurt at all, they will feed into that reaction and eat it up by putting on a show of tears.

Don’t get me wrong, I never ignore my child’s pain. I simply try not to react strongly until I have assessed the situation and determined what response is appropriate. For example, does she have a small cut that merely requires a band-aid? Does she need to take a trip to the hospital? Etc. 

I always encourage them to get up when they fall down, and most of the time, they don’t even cry when they fall.

Because children are resilient, I have taught myself that sometimes we fall, which is okay. Everyone falls down. If we are genuinely hurt, we will fix it, but most of the time, our boo-boos are not as bad as we think.

Offer daily positive affirmations.

I remind my daughters who they are and what they are capable of.

I remind them who they are in Christ.

My mom started doing something with my youngest sister, who is just now entering her teenage years.

She tells her every morning “who she is” by having her repeat after her a list of attributes she sees in my sister or knows are there but needs to be cultivated.

I liked this idea and recently started doing it with my four-year-old daughter.

For example, every night, I have her repeat the below after me “I am smart, I am brave, I am kind, I am important, I am loved, I am a leader, not a follower, I am helpful.” Etc.

The descriptions vary sometimes, but I have already seen how much these affirmations have helped her.

Miss B is constantly telling me now how brave she is and how smart she is. I want her to always know these truths.

The way to help children know what they are capable of is to constantly tell them!

This isn’t the only time I tell my girls these truths. I do it every day, especially when the need arises. But having this time set aside daily to remind my children who they are is so important to me.

Do you need ideas for positive affirmations to speak over your child? Get my free list below!

Praise your daughters’ kindness and helpfulness.

Today, when we returned from church, I was hanging up mine and B’s coats on the coat rack.

My one-year-old S came running towards us, holding her jacket out for me. She was bringing me her coat to hang up!

I was so surprised and so ecstatic about it. I said, “S, that is so amazing! Thank you so much! You are so helpful!”

She had the biggest grin on her face. Either because she liked the praise or because she thought mommy was crazy.

Either way, I took the opportunity to praise her.

When we take the time to praise our children after seeing an act of kindness or helpfulness, I believe it helps them realize who they are.

Now I don’t mean you have to constantly tell them how helpful they are. Especially when it is expected.

However, praise goes a long way for anyone, especially children.

First, they start to see their presence’s importance in the family and society.

Then they begin to see how they can contribute.

They start to see that they can make a huge difference in someone’s life or day.

Children need to know that their presence is essential.

Teaching it to them at a young age helps make it concrete in their minds.

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Cultivate their interests. 

When I notice that my daughter wants to know more about something, I take note of it and try to cultivate that interest by teaching her.

For example, lately, she has been asking a lot about time and what time it is. Like, asking me what time it is every minute that her clock changes.

I could become frustrated because I grow weary of repeating the time repeatedly for fifteen minutes straight. Or I can take this opportunity to teach her something she is enthusiastic about right now.

Why not teach her?

When our daughters see that their interests are vital and that the adults in their lives are taking the time to teach them, they realize what kind of intelligence they possess.

They see they can learn and start to love it. Their confidence grows when their curiosity and interests are not treated like a nuisance.

These are just a few things I do daily to encourage my daughters.

I want them to realize just how unique, intelligent, brave, etc., they are.

They learn that from the adults in their lives. Specifically me.

What do you do to encourage your daughters? Share with us in the comments below!

Have a beautiful and peaceful day!

Jenna Jury

Read more on raising daughters!

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Karen

Monday 18th of March 2019

Wonderful reminders! I agree that it isn't good to criticize our own looks in front of our daughters. I have tried to raise my daughter the same way.

Mom

Sunday 5th of February 2017

Wonderful! You are so wise!

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