How to Let go of Mom Judgements

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How to let mom judgements go.

If you are new to the Peaceful Nest Blog, welcome 🙂 Be sure to read my top posts on parenting:

• Why Consistent Parenting Matters
• 12 Habits of Immensely Peaceful Moms
• 63 Mom Hacks That are Pure Genius

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Maybe you have been there, you start this parenting gig off strong, only to have another mom knock you down a notch or two.

Oh, you didn’t breastfeed? Did you know if you don’t breastfeed, you aren’t giving your child their best chance at life?

Why would you use disposable diapers? Don’t you know those things are terrible for the environment?

Why would you use cloth diapers, when disposable is not as gross?

Don’t feed your baby too early. They may develop allergies.

But don’t feed your child too late! They should be able to eat solids by now.

Why would you leave your precious bundle of joy and go back to a job? Don’t you know the years are short?

Why would you put your family in financial stress and stay home? I can’t believe how selfish that is!

It doesn’t stop there does it?

You need to home school your children. Public school is filled with terrible influences, bullying and problems.

You need to send your children to public school. If you don’t, how in the world will they learn to socialize?

Your child is too loud, don’t you know how to reign her in?

Your child is too shy, you need to push her out of her comfort zone.

Why would you feed your children fast food? Do you know what is in that junk?

And the judgement goes on and on and on. It’s enough to put us in a mommy slump, if we aren’t there already.

My daughter, Miss B, was born at 32 weeks. Her brother David was born at 27 weeks. He passed away 6 days later.

The weeks that followed his death were horrendous for me. Not only was I was fresh in my grief, but my breasts did not get the memo. I continued to have to pump breast milk, pump and dump as they called it, I leaked all the time and ached. I was finally able to dry up, but the experience alone, on top of everything else I was experiencing emotionally, was traumatic.

When miss B was born, I was able to pump a little bit of breast milk for her, but my milk supply was extremely low.

Then for some reason, I just started drying up after a couple of weeks. No matter what I tried, how often I pumped, I couldn’t produce what I needed for her.

After consulting with nurses and lactation consultants, I made the decision to switch to a donor’s breast milk and then eventually formula.

During this time I had several friends who had given birth as well. It seemed like every time I logged onto my Facebook there was a “mommy war” going on.

Every shared post from these friends toted breast is best and anyone who doesn’t breast feed their child is not giving their child their best chance at a good life.

I felt guilt, I felt exhausted and I felt angry.

Guilt for not being able to provide what I needed and desperately wanted to give Miss B. I felt like my body failed me yet again.

Exhausted, because of the mental, emotional and physical load I was carrying.

And I was angry at these moms for lumping every formula feeding mom into one group.

Families and moms make choices for their children most of the time for various reasons.

These reasons typically take much thought and planning.

Sometimes life throws us a curve all and we have no choice but to roll with it. Change pace and take a different path so to speak. Those choices we make as a individual families are not for others to voice their opinions on.

Here’s why mom judgement can bring us down.

We put a ton of weight on who we are as parents. Most of us want to be seen as good, even terrific parents.

When we are viewed as less than someone else, those hurtful judgements can bring us down.

The words and opinions of others can have an awful affect on how we view ourselves if we allow them to have any weight.

Also, another person having an opinion on what we are doing as a parent can sometimes make us feel like we are doing this parenting thing wrong.

I hate to break it to you, but if you start questioning your parenting skills based on someone’s opinion, you are doing EXACTLY what the Nosy Nelly wants you to do. – Doubt yourself.

There’s good news, you don’t have to let the judgements in.

Did you know that you don’t have to allow another person’s opinion into your life? You can choose to say “no, your voice, opinion and thoughts on my parenting has no weight here. They are not welcome.”

You should ignore the haters. Because when you allow another person to dictate who you are as a parent, you are giving them too much power over your life.

No one is benefiting in anyway.

Not you, not your family, your spouse or children. No one.

Here’s how to start ignoring mom judgements.

1. Narrow your circle
   • You do not have to have a ton of friends. Keep a close watch on your circle. If someone is gossiping to you about someone else, chances are they are doing the same about you. Narrow your circle. Be friends with true, authentic people, who care about you.
2. Share only what you want with who you want.
   • I know it’s difficult to believe in today’s social age, but not everyone needs to know everything about you. Keep some things to yourself. Don’t allow every single person on your social media or in real life to be privy to every aspect of your life. Share only what you want with who you want.
3. Grow confident in who you are as a mom.
   • Practice growing your confidence, momma! The more confident you are in who you are as a mom, the less likely another person’s opinion will throw you.
4. Practice self-care and love.
   • Self-care is essential as a mom. Practice loving yourself, who you are as a mom and a person. Self-care and love will also help you become more confident in yourself. The better we feel, the more confident we are.

The Last Thing You Need to Know about Dealing with Mommy Judges

Everyone, every single person, is going to have an opinion. Some just may be a bit more open with sharing their opinion with you.

Many people feel like it’s their right to have an opinion on your life. with today’s social age, we have opened ourselves up to the keyboard warriors. The one’s who feel like it’s their right. or even duty to show you how wrong you are. You have to learn to ignore those people.

It’s no one’s right to judge you as a parent as long as your children are safe and taken care of.

YOU are your child’s parent, not the mommy judge, you know what is best for yourself and your family.

I always say, God has given you your children for a reason. He knew he needed YOU as a mommy. Own it, be proud of this fact, and be you.

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