Turn Off the Screen for Peace’s Sake.

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Turn off the screen for peace’s sake is the second in a 14 part series, where I take a deeper look at the 12 habits of immensely peaceful moms. Read an overview of all 12 habits. Then read the rest of the posts in the series here.

• Post 1: Why sibling disagreements are actually good for your kids.

Will less screen time help create a more peaceful home?

I do want to start by saying, we do allow screens in our home. Sometimes I wonder if it’s too much. However, we do our best to limit the screen time our kids get, and we are working on ourselves and trying to kick out phone addiction.

Today we seem less connected as family units. Have you ever been sitting in a living room with your family for a good 30 minutes but no one has spoken? You look up from your phone and see that EVERYONE else has a screen device that is causing their muteness as well?

I have noticed in the case of my children, their attitudes swiftly turn sour when I allow them too much screen time. Whether that is in the form of TV, kindle or electronic toys. The sourness quickly turns the peace in our home. I don’t know about you, but I believe it’s easier to reduce screen time and maintain a peaceful environment than constantly fight against sourness.

How is screen time affecting our families?

Today, kids are quickly given a screen to “keep them quiet” or “entertain” them. I’m not judging, I’ve done it before. BUT here’s the deal. When a child gets too much screen time, they will begin to rely on the screen for entertainment and quickly become addicted. They are humans too and not immune to addiction.

Take a long look at your life. Are you constantly on your phone? Your children will follow suit.

If you are a mom trying to create a peaceful home life for your family, it’s important to make an assessment of how much screen time your family is participating in (including you.)

Verywell Family covers the harmful effects of too much screen time for kids, so if you want to read more about it, it’s an excellent article.

If we are allowing too much screen time, disconnect in our families will happen. Our kids will loose their creative spirits. We may become less motivated to get stuff done, etc. Our connections with each other will diminish. It may come to the point where we don’t know the people living under our roofs well anymore, and they don’t know us.

Why does disconnect happen?

Disconnect happens when we give technology too much control over our lives and our families. Does your kid want to play on your phone for 4 hours straight? It’s easier to just say yes than to fight him on it, isn’t it?

Is the Netflix binge calling your name, even though you KNOW there is work to be done around the house or in your business. (I’ve been there.) The more control we give the technology in our lives, the more control it will take.

Sometimes as parents we are afraid to set rules or limitations for our kids when it comes to screen time. Or we think our kids are the exception to the rule. Let’s face it, your kid probably is not the exception, your kid is affected just like every one else, it can just be harder to see.

My children are TV-aholics. If I let them watch 4 hours straight of TV they will. But here’s what happens; about an hour in they will become less motivated, less compliant, dragging their feet and unable to focus and concentrate.

The lack of motivation and defiance causes the peace in our household to fly right out the window. Now I’m fighting and struggling with 3 kids who have had too much stimulation to their brains.

Our kids need us to be their shield, their wall. Children do not know what is best for them. Sometimes we don’t know what is best for us. Screens are fun for a bit but if you allow them to have too much control over your child, or yourself, you will find your family life deteriorating, one screen at a time.

Related: Why you should get rid of your phone addiction.

Best tips to reduce screen time.

• Tip 1: Set rules and stick to them!

Did you say no more playing on mommy’s phone, only to give in 3 hours later? Your kid sees the weak spot and how they were able to get the phone from you eventually, and they will continue to take advantage. It’s important to set rules, after all you’re the parent, not your child. A few simple rules for screen time could be:

• You may have an hour of TV/ IPAD time after dinner.
• No screens at the table, including you! Dinner time is family time.
• You have to complete your homework and chores before you get screen time.

Once you have the rules set, here’s the tricky part, STICK to your guns. I have noticed with one of my children, if I give him an inch and change the routines/expectations just a little bit, he thinks it will be that way all the time.

If you have a child much like mine, stick to your routine and rules 99% or even 100% of the time. Did you say no screens until after dinner? Then don’t let your child have a screen until after dinner, even on the weekends. Did you say no more playing on mommy’s phone ever? Then don’t cave. It’s difficult. But parenting isn’t supposed to be easy!

• Tip 2: Don’t introduce technology too young.

I’m going to be frank with you. There’s no reason why your six year old needs a phone of her own.

Introducing technology too young will zap their creative right out of them. Children need to be outside, playing, creating something, stretching their imagination. What they don’t need is to develop an addiction that is terrible for them.

• Tip 3: Explain the difference between a privilege and right to your children.

Something I believe we get mixed up is the difference between a privilege and a right. A right is something that inherently is yours. I have certain rights as a human. But just because I have certain rights doesn’t mean everything is a right.

A privilege is different. My children are privileged to have access to certain things, including screens. It’s not their right. Rights shouldn’t be taken away, but a privilege absolutely can.

Explain to your children that screen time is not a right in your house.

It’s a privilege. If they do not follow through with your rules then the privilege can be taken away.

• Tip 4: Hold yourself accountable as well, cut screen time out for yourself too.

This is a huge struggle with me. It was not to long ago when I realized the extent of my phone addiction. It happen slowly and without warning. Sometimes I wish I could go completely off the grid. But the reality is, I can’t. And you probably can’t either. The benefits of having screens are amazing; easily getting in touch with a family member, endless entertainment, being able to quickly look up information. However, it’s easy to abuse those benefits and allow them to take over our lives.

I want a peaceful home. I know as a mom, my children will follow my footsteps. You’ve heard the “do as a say, not as I do.” saying right? Yeah, that doesn’t work with kids. They will follow your example. If you are constantly on your phone, they will want to be on it too.

Be mindful of your own bad habits and go to great lengths to develop better habits in their place. Hold yourself accountable.

Help your child’s creativity flow with imagination starters!

The family unit is worth preserving.

• Don’t give your technology too much control over your family. Your family is too precious, your home environment is important. It’s worth fighting to preserve your connections with your children and spouse.
• You’ll find yourself feeling more peaceful without the blaring noise and blank staring. Trust me on this. My days are always so much more peaceful when my children have access to less screens. Why? Because their creative juices are flowing, their imaginations are ignited, they are working on essential skills, such as problem solving.

What are some ways you keep the peace in your home? I would love to add your tip to my series! You can submit it here. 🙂

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