What exactly is character-building?
The dictionary defines character-building as requiring effort or endurance to the degree that strengthens or improves a person’s character.
Why is character-building important?
A person needs to take the time to strengthen their character, especially through a biblical approach. When you have a strong character, it’s easier to face challenges that life throws at you, and the ability to strengthen areas in your life that need work becomes second nature.
Have you ever heard the quote, “it’s easier to build up a child than repair a broken man?” Oh, how true this is. We can help build up our children by giving them the tools they will need for this life and the life God has intended for them. One of those ways is by helping them build up their character traits.
What are the benefits of character-building in your children and yourself?
Building character is not done in a day. It takes intentional effort and time. But you will find that once you get started being intentional about your own character and the character of your child, character-building becomes easier.
Do you know what else becomes easier? Life. Discipline. Leading by example.
There are so many benefits to character-building!
First, you cannot help your child with character-building unless you are intentional about your character.
When I think about character traits, I think about the fruits of the spirit. What are the nine fruits of the spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. Man, that’s a mouth full!
Of course, when discussing character-building, there are more character traits to consider than the fruits of the spirit. You have loyalty, respectfulness, integrity, compassion, and many more! But I believe we can first look at the word of God for the foundations we need for character-building. When you focus on these 9 fruits, I truly believe all the other important character traits will or can stem from these foundations.
But do you know the saying “rules for thee but not for me?” or “do as a say and not as a do?” Both of these sayings are hypocritical. Your child watches your actions more than they listen to your words. If you ask your child to be kind to others, but you turn around and are unkind to their father, sibling, or even them, do you think they will listen? No. Children learn by what they see.
This is why focusing on your character-building alongside your child’s is essential.
Secondly, focusing on your child’s character-building early on will help them as they grow.
It doesn’t take long to create a habit, especially a bad one. We all have suffered bad habits throughout our lives. Children are no different. Character-building is a ton of work. It takes diligence and patience from you as a parent. But the benefits, in the long run, are well worth it. Why? Because when you get to the heart of your child, teaching them how to treat others, the power struggles tend to decrease.
My favorite educator from the 1800’s Charlotte Mason, said:
We are not unwilling to make efforts in the beginning with the assurance that by-and-by things will go smoothly; and this is just what habit is, in an extraordinary degree, pledged to effect. The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children.
Charlotte Mason
Wow, I don’t know about you, but smooth and easy days are way more appealing to me than endless friction! I would rather take the time while our children are little to instill good habits and character in them than have to come back behind them and try to “retrain” them out of their bad habits.
How can a lack of character-building affect you and your child?
A lack of character-building can leave you or your child in bad habits that do not serve anyone well. It can lead to unnecessary striving, stress, and power struggles. It can also lead to dissension with other people.
This can lead to the formation of bad habits that really make life less enjoyable.
What character trait is a great place to start?
When you think about the people you love, the ones you enjoy being around, what character trait stands out to you?
For me, it is always the person who is kind.
When my children meet someone new, I always ask first: are they kind? This has become a habit because, very early in my life, I learned that if someone was not kind, there was no reason to hang out with them. You don’t want to waste your time with an unkind person.
Of course, everyone has their moments where they are not kind. But for the most part, the people who are enjoyable to be around are kind. Kindness is a fruit of the spirit and is a great place to start with yourself and your children when you begin character-building.
Why? Because if you are kind, many of the other important character traits and fruits of the spirit will flow out more easily. respectfulness. Loyalty. Love. Patience. Gentleness. Etc.
What Does God Say About Kindness?
Love is Kind
When deep diving into what God says about kindness, I come across many points.
God says love is kind.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13 1
When we walk in love, God’s love, it’s important to look at what God says love is. He says many things about love in 1 Corinthians 13:1. But for this post, let’s look at love is kind.
When you love someone, kindness should come as second nature to show your love. Of course, there are days we don’t feel love, and unkindness may take root. But it’s important to quickly notice the unkindness rising and change course.
I don’t know about you, but I struggle with being kind sometimes. There are days I am frustrated, and I feel like speaking unkindly to someone. But when you start working on character-building within yourself and your child, specifically focusing on kindness, it becomes easier to notice when these frustrations start to take root so you can quickly stop yourself and practice kindness.
Kindness is about having mercy towards people.
Oh, mercy. This isn’t something many humans like to give naturally. We tend to gravitate toward an eye for an eye, right?
Mercy is compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.
Woah, everyone has a sinful nature. You, me, and our children too. If someone hurts me or emotionally cuts me down with words, it’s easy for me to want to snap back with something snarky. Mercy is being able to say, no, I forgive you for hurting me, even though I could do or say something right now that will “get even” with you.
Kindness is showing others mercy. When helping our children learn about kindness, it’s important to explain to them and show them what mercy is. Mercy goes against our nature as humans. But it is a part of kindness.
Kindness is Freeing.
There have been times when I have been wronged, and I sit and stew about it.
Maybe your child has done this as well.
But when we choose to show kindness, it can be extremely freeing. I don’t have to sit and think about how someone hurt me by saying something unintentionally or maybe even intentionally. I don’t have to think about how to “get even.” Forgiveness becomes easier and easier, almost second nature, and oh, how freeing kindness is!
Bible Stories For Children About Kindness
One of the best ways to show a biblical example of kindness for children is through bible stories.
Here are a few of our favorite bible stories for children about kindness.
The good Samaritan is a wonderful story about a man who is beaten and left to die on the side of the road. The person who helps him isn’t a Jew or Priest. He is from a different religion the Jews didn’t associate with.
The story of Ruth and Naomi displays the love of a daughter-in-law from a different land for her mother-in-law. Ruth didn’t have to stay with Naomi and help care for her, but she chose to anyway, and God blessed her for it.
There are many more bible stories to share with your child that show kindness in action.
Character-building doesn’t have to be daunting.
Maybe you are thinking, all this character-building is so daunting! How can I intentionally fit this into my day with everything else I have to do?
It doesn’t have to feel overwhelming to focus on character-building. One great way to start is to pick one specific trait or fruit to focus on with yourself and your child and keep it at the forefront of your mind. Then if you want to start adding specific activities or stories that go along with building this character trait, start slowly! I recommend spending around 1 month focusing intentionally on one character trait. Then circle back and re-evaluate if you and your children need more time focusing on this area.
This year I have decided to focus more intentionally on character-building with my children and myself. To help me do this, I have designed and created monthly character-building and habit-training packs to use with my family, and I will also be offering them to you as a reader!
The first character-building pack I decided to focus on is kindness. At the end of January, I will have 4 packs for sale, two character-building packs and 2 habit-training packs. The character-building packs are kindness and diligence. The habit-training packs are obedience and cleanliness. These packs will be launched at the end of January!
I also created a freebie just for you! These kindness cards will be a part of the character-training pack, kindness, but you can get them for free today :). You can use these cards in so many different ways. My favorite way (and how we are using them) is by creating a “kindness jar” to place these cards in and draw one every day or week to do as a family!
Sign Up For The Launch of The Peaceful Nest Character Training Packs!
Don’t miss when these packs come out, and be among the first ones to grab them!
You can sign up for the launch, which will take place in February, and stay up to date on upcoming packs!
The Rewards of Starting With Kindness
Kindness is truly a wonderful character trait to start with. Most people enjoy being around others who are kind. Especially kids.
Starting with kindness may also help other character traits flow more naturally when you come to them!
Related: 14 Best Tips To Overcome Angry Mommy Today
If you are new to the Peaceful Nest Blog, welcome!
Be sure to read my top posts on parenting:
- Why Consistent Parenting Matters
- 12 Habits of Immensely Peaceful Moms
- 63 Mom Hacks That Are Pure Genius
- Connect With Your Child and Build Up Their Heart
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Hi there, I’m Jenna! I am a devoted mommy and wife. As well as an advocate for children and creating a peaceful atmosphere for those we love. I co-wrote Faith Actually: Living Life After Tragedy with my husband. I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Studies and currently working toward my Master’s in Positive Psychology. My number one desire is to create a peaceful home life for my family. My second desire is to share with you the tips I learn along the way!