Mom Interview: Raising Children From Trauma

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Mom Interview: Raising Children From Trauma Unexpectedly

Today we have a special guest poster, my mom Diane. She gets real and honest as she shares what it’s been like to raising children from trauma unexpectedly later in life.

I was 48 years old. My kids were grown. Our youngest son was almost 23. He was still living at home but getting ready to graduate college and very serious with his girlfriend.

Our second grandchild had just came home from NICU February 1st- we had lost our first – an entire different story. But we were relaxing,

Brooklyn our Grandbaby was doing great- we were happy. The past year had been rough, beyond any comprehension, but My husband and I were breathing again. Things were looking up.

I could see the future clearly. I was going to be able to spend all my time being the Mawmaw I wanted to be. Help my daughter with grief and new mothering. All thee of our kids were doing good.

Then came March 1st 2013.

My nieces were always my favorites – my twin brothers children.

I loved them and did all I could for them. They stayed with me a lot. I was close to them but I never expected what happened to happen. I knew I would be in their lives and help with whatever they needed but I was shocked when I got the call that morning- Cheyenne and Kaycee they need somewhere to stay – the social worker was telling me – they want to come to you- their parents want them to come to you.

Of course I said, then turned to my husband – the girls need to come here I told him. Ok he said. I was taking care of my mother already – she had been with us for three years.

We didn’t think about anything but that they needed us.

A few hours later they were here, with a small bag each. I remember Kaycee running in and going to her normal bedroom – throwing her stuff down and running downstairs.

Chey came in more slowly – hurt and covered in black clothing. After the social worker left – I sat with her a long time – I listened while she tried to talk. Chey was 15/ Kaycee only 9. I remember thinking this might not be easy.

They were traumatized children. I had raised 3 very easy, very loving, very honest children. Now I was dealing with hidden hurts, non trusting children. I had to mother differently.

Diane

How long have your spouse and you been together?

37 years

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

5- Jamie 36 Jenna 32
Justin 29 Cheyenne 23 Kaycee 16

There was a time you thought you were done raising children, how did you feel when you realized you weren’t done?

I had a million different feelings – determined to help my girls and scared that I was taking on too much – I was also taking care of my mom 24/7 because she was an invalid. Wondering when I was going to be able to be all there for my husband.

What has been your biggest struggle and how do you overcome?

They were traumatized children. I had raised 3 very easy, very loving, very honest children. Now I was dealing with hidden hurts, non trusting children. I had to mother differently.

That was a struggle- my tried and true nature of mothering didn’t work. I read a lot of books, I talked to their counselors, I asked the social workers from DCS to give me tips. Sometimes I handled things well, sometimes I lost my mind. I had to get the girls to know I was always going to be honest and even if I lost it – I still loved them.

How has raising your two youngest been different than raising your first three?

With my first three your dad and I were pretty much just kids – 18 with our first one- we grew up together – we encountered joys from watching you three grow and learned along with you all how to be a family. The last two came in to an old woman 👵🏻😀 pretty set in my ways. I had to learn again all over and it was harder.

When you are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, what steps do you take to de-escalate and remain calm?

I get myself out of the situation to my room- or my husband takes me away to a tropical island and we regroup.

What advice do you have for someone raising a child from trauma?

Try not to take everything they say and do personally. Understand they are coming from a place that you’re not at. They don’t always believe you when you say you love them or that things will be ok. Their brains aren’t always wired to reason. You have to be patient – you have to take care of yourself as well as them. So breathe and let the situation calm before trying again.

Try not to take everything they say and do personally. Understand they are coming from a place that you’re not at. They don’t always believe you when you say you love them or that things will be ok.

Diane

How do you make yourself a priority?

My husband takes me to the beach. We go out once a week to be alone and I get my nails done and my hair cut. 😊

What advice would you give to a mom who is overwhelmed with frustration?

Once again – breathe – take yourself out of the situation – and always always Pray. I would not have survived this without God.

What has been the best thing about raising more children later in life?

The love.❤️ they keep me young by introducing me to their weird music and strange fashion choices.

Cheyenne finished college in 2019 – just finished her first year as a teacher – and is married to the love of her life.

Kaycee is a beautiful 16 year old with a servants heart with a great love for her nieces and family – still learning to trust – she will get there.

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• Connect With Your Child and Build Up Their Heart

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