Simple Ideas to Discipline Peacefully

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Discipline is a Part of Parenting 

Discipline is one of those subjects that parents don’t like to talk about and some parents don’t even like to do. But the truth is when you become a parent it’s important that you talk to your spouse about how you want to discipline your children.

Why is discipline important? 

Discipline is important because it is guidance. Discipline helps your child learn what is appropriate and what is not appropriate as they grow. 

What is discipline? 

Discipline is guiding your child and teaching them what is right and what is wrong. Often times we get a warped sense of what discipline is and what it is not. Discipline gets a bad rap because it is often thrown into the mix as punishment.

However, discipline is teaching your child how to be a functioning and contributing member of society. Discipline is helping teach your child what is right and what is wrong, how to treat other people, and re-directing them when they do something that is not appropriate.

What is disciplining not? 

Discipline is not punishment. Punishment is harsh and can separate. Discipline guides and teaches.

Connection with your child’s heart is important while disciplining your child. 

The main difference between discipline and punishment in my opinion is discipline takes into consideration connecting to your child’s heart when you are guiding them.

Punishment can oftentimes feel like separation to a child. But if we approach discipline with the idea that we also need to connect when we’re correcting then it becomes easier to help guide your child when they are not doing something that is appropriate. When they just need a little bit more guidance and redirection.

8 Ways to Discipline Your Child Peacefully

Try a Time-In 

Have you ever heard of the concept of time-in? When we were doing training for adopting our son we were introduced to this concept.

Basically, a time in is when you take your child who needs guidance and sit them down somewhere with you next to them for a few minutes to calm down. It’s similar to a time out but instead of separating yourself from your child, you bring your child closer.

When we use the time-in it becomes easier to connect with our child. Sometimes children struggle with being separated from their family or parents when they have done something that is not okay. They can feel isolated.

But when we use a time-in they can feel connected and they may have an easier time regulating themselves and their emotions.

This is a discipline technique that many people use now alongside other techniques. We have found this useful when our children are feeling overly emotional about a decision they have made or when they are given the consequences of their actions. This can help regulate and calm your child down because they are feeling connected to you instead of isolated from you.

Stay Consistent 

Consistency is a huge thing when you are parenting. You have to stay consistent when you are raising your children.

If you are expecting a certain behavior out of your child then you need to consistently redirect or give consequences if your child disobeys.

For example, we do not allow our children to be disrespectful to other people. We teach them that they can disagree with someone and still be kind and respectful.

If my child is yelling at their cousins or siblings and speaking in a manner that is not okay then I consistently redirect them and I do not allow the behavior to continue.

No matter how tired you are, parenting does not stop. You’re either allowing habits to form in your child or directing the habits that you want to be formed in your child. 

If we allow habits to take care of themselves as Charlotte Mason has said then we will have a conflict with our children as they grow. But if we take care of the habits as they arise then we will secure for ourselves smooth and easy days as they grow.

Explain Negative Consequences Before Your Child Gets in Trouble 

When my husband and I pinpoint behaviors that we find unacceptable from our children then we sit down and talk to our child about what the consequences of those actions will be.

For example, We do not allow the use of hands in a negative way at all in our family. We do not allow hitting, pushing or using our hands to hurt somebody else. We explained that our hands are for loving touches only like hugging, high-fives, etc. And if our child hits or pushes one of their siblings there will be a consequence. Our children know that there will be a consequence and what that consequence will be.

Explain to your child what consequence they will receive if they do a negative behavior that is not accepted in your house. Then after you tell them what this negative consequence will be follow-through consistently every single time. If you give your child a little bit of leeway where they think “maybe I can get away with it” then they will try.

Try a “Do-over” 

Do you do “do-overs” in your house? If you don’t I encourage you to try them. Do-overs can turn your day around for the better.

Sometimes when we have a really rotten day I will look at my child and say do you want a “do-over”? This means we erase all the misbehaviors of the days, the stress and frustration that I may have brought to the table, and we just start over.

“Do you want a do-over?” is offering your child and yourself grace. It is saying “look I know that we have had a bad day and that we have made bad decisions but we can start over and we can begin again.” We can turn this day around and have a good day.

Recognize Your Own Triggers 

Everyone has emotional triggers. There are things that bother you that can trigger an emotional meltdown. If you do not get enough rest, if you’re not getting enough me time, maybe you aren’t eating healthy enough or maybe the house is a disaster and that is a trigger for you.

Pinpoint your triggers and make sure you stay on top of them. When we recognize our own triggers we are less likely to take our frustration out on our family when we know what it is that we need and we are meeting those needs consistently.

Pay Attention to Your Child’s Triggers 

Children also have triggers. If your child is young they may need a certain naptime or they may need to eat at certain times. Whatever the case may be pay attention to what your child’s triggers are and then plan accordingly to avoid meltdowns.

Try Positive Reinforcements 

Sometimes positive reinforcement gets a bad rap but I believe that they work. Just like setting goals for yourself when you have positive reinforcement for your child they can be more likely to meet a goal. If you’re working on a specific behavior for your child try setting a goal with positive reinforcement at the end that they can work towards.

Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something Different 

Sometimes you might have to try something different. Not every child is the same. When your discipline your child don’t be afraid to try different techniques like a time-in or positive reinforcement. Parenting is a journey, not a race. You can take it one step at a time and figure out what works for your child and family.

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Related: 14 Best Tips To Overcome Angry Mommy Today

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• Connect With Your Child and Build Up Their Heart

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