5 Ways to Handle Your Child’s Whining Peacefully

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5 ways to handle whining peacefully 

Why we need to teach our children to replace whining with real words. 

I have a confession to make. There is nothing that annoys me more in my household than if my child whines. I can handle meltdowns and I can handle disobedience pretty calmly but it has taken me a while to learn how to respond to whining in a peaceful way.

It’s important that our children understand as they grow up whining is not a way they get what they want. This lesson starts in the home.

Why do children whine?

Children can whine for several different reasons. Sometimes they don’t realize they are doing it. Whining has become a habit. Similar to someone biting their nails, twisting at their hair, or talking too much when they are nervous. Habits can be hard to break when we don’t realize we are doing it.

Other times children whine because it has become a way for them to get what they want. They have correlated their whining with mommy and daddy giving them what they want because mommy and daddy want the whining to stop.

Remember Your Child Probably Isn’t Whining to Upset You

I don’t believe that most children whine to upset their parents. Children typically whine to get what they want or because they are upset that they are not getting what they want.

We can empower our children to learn how to self-soothe and calm down when they are not getting their way. We can also help our children learn the correct way to communicate with people. I tell my children all the time you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. 

How to Stop The Whining Peacefully 

Use a Different Voice/I Cannot Understand You 

If your child is really little or even when they’re older you can use this as a starting point. When your child starts to whine tell them that they need to use a different voice because you cannot understand what they’re saying. If you do this enough they may start realizing that whining is not going to get them what they want because mommy doesn’t understand what they want or need. 

Stay Consistent 

You have to stay consistent with your children. This can help you parent them in a peaceful way because you aren’t fighting unnecessary battles.

If you have decided that whining is not allowed in your house then you need to stick with it consistently. Your child may try to push you excessively so that you will break and they can go back to getting what they want with whining because it’s easy for them.

But when you make the decision “this is how it’s going to happen in our house” then you have to make sure you are consistently stopping your child’s whining in its tracks. If you give your child just a tiny reason to think they can control the situation with their whining if they push hard enough they will continue to do it.

Show Your Child How Whining Sounds 

You can show your child how whining sounds. They may not realize that their whining is an awful sound because they’re in the middle of doing it. If you show your child how it sounds with your own voice they might take a step back and think “oh that sounds pretty bad.” Especially if your child is older.

Ignore The Whining

Another way you can peacefully stop the whining is to ignore it. This goes back to being consistent. If your child realizes that whining is not how they’re going to get what they want they will stop especially if you ignore the whining consistently. When you put these steps together: tell your child you can’t understand them and that they need to use a different voice, stay consistent and then ignore the whining they will get the point even if it takes time.

If Your Child is Older Talk to Them About It

If you have an older child who is prone to whining, don’t be afraid to talk to them about it. Explain to them that whining is not how we speak to other people, and is not how we get what we want.

Children can understand more than we give them credit for. Then after speaking to your child give them better ways to speak to somebody about their needs and how they are feeling. When they can understand their emotions better then they can express them in a more positive way.

Parenting is a Challenge

It comes with unique situations with our children. But if your child is prone to whining you can put stop the whining in its tracks in simple ways.

Give your child words to use, explain how emotions work, being an example yourself, and staying consistent can work wonders in your parenting journey.

Remember that “The mom who takes great pains to endow in her child good habit secures for herself smooth and easy days.” Words from Charlotte Mason one of my favorite educators from the 1800s. This is a philosophy I use of hers every day in my life to help me remember why I’m putting in all the hard work of mothering even when it feels challenging.

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