Help Your Toddler De-Escalate From A Tantrum

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How to help your toddler de-escalate from a tantrum

Toddler tantrums are inevitable. They are going to happen, they happen to every mom and dad when you have a toddler. When your toddler has a tantrum you can help them learn to de-escalate quickly.

But why the toddler tantrums happen? Typically it’s because they do not understand their big feelings, they are not getting their way, and they are not positive on how to express their emotions yet because they do not have the words or confidence.

You can help your toddler de-escalate quickly. You can turn the situation around so that your toddler’s tantrum is nothing more than a blip in your day. The tantrum does not have to turn into a big thing.

Here’s a list of simple ideas I have found to work with my toddler’s when they were on the verge of a total meltdown.

How to help your toddler de-escalate from their tantrum.

Try to Distract Your Toddler 

This is the first thing I do. Sometimes it works great other times toddlers are not easily distracted from their mission. But if you’re able, try to distract your toddler with an activity they love, a game, or even a snack.

Sometimes when my toddler was about to throw a tantrum in the car I would try to play a simple game like how many barns can you can count? Or let’s see how many things are blue that we can find.

This sounds super simple but it works. If you need a quick fix on how to help your toddler de-escalate in a pinch try to distract them with a simple game or a simple activity. This will get their mind off of the situation they are about to throw a tantrum over.

“If They Are Crabby Put Them in Water“

I heard this phrase when my oldest was a  toddler. I tried it out once and it worked.

Now, this might not work for everybody but most toddlers love water. If your toddler is starting to get cranky try putting her in the bathtub while letting her play with bubbles or toys. If it’s warm take her outside and fill up the small baby pool.

Water is a great distraction it can turn a person’s mood around almost instantly even toddlers.

Give a Simple Choice

Sometimes toddlers throw tantrums about the simplest things. We often think these things are really silly and they probably are. I mean why would you throw a fit about a blue cup or a red cup?

But in my years of being a parent, I have come to realize that children do not have many choices. They are really at the mercy of the adults in their life. The fact that a child throws a fit over a red cup or blue cup might seem silly to us but to them, it’s simply because choices are not being given to them. 

They dig their heels in situations that they think they can control. A way to de-escalate a situation like this would be to offer your toddler a simple choice. “Would you like the red cup today or the blue cup today?” It’s simple. It may seem a little silly to you but it could mean the difference between a full on tantrum or giving your child a little bit of empowerment and feeling like they can make choices too. 

Pay Attention to Your Toddler’s Triggers and Learn What They Are 

Everybody has triggers. Children are no different.

When your children are really young it’s a great opportunity to study their habits, their behaviors and figure out what their triggers are.

Does your child get overly tired at a certain time? Does your child need to eat at a certain time? Is there a certain food that is irritating your child? These are all great observations we can make as parents.

These observations aren’t just for us but they are also for our children. This is because we can use these observations as tools to help our children have smooth and easy days. Figure out what your child’s triggers are. Learn early what they are, and then you can use this to help de-escalate any situation. They say knowledge is power, right?

If you know that being hungry at noon triggers your child’s emotions then you will be sure to pack a snack or make sure something to eat is available at that time. If you know that your child needs to take a nap at 11 o’clock in the morning or they’re grumpy all day then you can use that knowledge to help you plan around their naptime.

Have a Dance Party 

Dance parties are a great way to distract children. Turn on some of their favorite songs and have a dance party right there in the living room or kitchen. My favorite person to listen to is Patty Shukla she has great kid songs that are active and also educational. We love a dance party to her music! 

Try Hard to Remain Calm 

Remaining calm while your child is having a tantrum can be extremely difficult. But children feed off their parent’s emotions especially their moms. Yes, it can be frustrating and stressful when your child is having a tantrum about something you do not understand but it’s important to be sure to remain calm. Especially if your child is really little.

If you have to give a discipline for the tantrum it’s equally important to remain calm while giving their discipline. 

In my experience when I have remained calm while giving my child a consequence or discipline for their actions the discipline goes so much smoother than if I am upset too.

Ask Your Child to Tell You How They Are Feeling/Validate Those Feelings 

Children may not always be able to express how they are feeling to the adults in their lives. Especially if the child is a toddler. They may simply not have the words to explain how they are feeling.

But you can help your child by giving their words to them. If your child is a toddler you can start out simple by saying I see that you feel sad, is it because you did not get the blue cup? This will help your child learn the words that they need in order to express how they are feeling in the future. 

Get outside and go for a walk 

Fresh air does everybody good. There have been times when I am feeling cranky and I just know I need to get outside. so I gather my kids and we go for a walk or we go to the park. Children are the same way. They may feel cranky because they’ve been cooped up for too long and they just need to get outside to get some fresh air.

If your child is on the verge of a tantrum offer to go for a walk with them or take them outside to play at the playground. You may be surprised how this quickly turns their day around.

Ask Your Child to Draw You a Picture of What They are Feeling 

Toddlers don’t have the words often to express to you how they are feeling. However, sometimes they can draw a picture. If all else fails ask your child to draw you a picture of how they are feeling so they can get their emotions to paper and hopefully turn the day around.

Toddler tantrums are inevitable. 

They will happen to everyone. But you can learn to help your child de-escalate quickly. Here are some more ideas on helping your child learn to self-soothe and calm down during a tantrum.

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