What is self-confidence?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines self-confidence as having great faith in oneself or one’s abilities.
Why is building self-confidence in our children important?
Self-confidence can be the difference in your child achieving their dreams and goals.
When we feel like we do not have the ability to do something, or like we are not good enough, then we are less likely to attempt trying. Think about a time that you really wanted to achieve a specific goal, but you didn’t think you could because you didn’t have the ability to do it. It’s the same for our children.
What are the benefits of building self-confidence in your child?
Building self-confidence up in children can be a slow and delicate process, depending on your child.
Other times it seems as though your child was born with all the self-confidence they will ever need.
When our children have high self-confidence there are many benefits.
First, others won’t be able to cut them down easily.
Criticism is a part of life. Sometimes people can be mean for reasons we don’t understand. When your child has high self-confidence, they won’t allow what others say about them or to them to affect them as much. I’m not saying it won’t hurt them. But they won’t let it define them.
When I was a teenager I started dating a guy that a girl from my church liked. We were not close friends and I was a teenager, so I didn’t see anything wrong with dating this guy. She wrote me a nasty letter, saying she couldn’t believe he would choose to date me because I had the personality of a doorknob. Even though I wasn’t close friends with her, it still hurt my feelings.
I called my mom at work to tell her. Do you know what she did? My mom wrote me a letter and sent it to my email. It described everything she knew about me to be true. Everything I knew to be true, I just needed to be reminded. She wrote that if my personality was a doorknob then it was a jewel-encrusted one residing in the Kingdom of God. I still possess that letter from my mom. The letter from the girl I tossed.
She built my self-confidence back up after someone tried to knock it down. This girl didn’t affect me, what she thought of me in her jealousy had no control over how I spent my life. She tried, but she couldn’t cut me down.
Secondly, your child will be more willing to try new things they may love and succeed.
We all have dreams and ambitions. Even children. When a child has self-confidence, they are more willing to try something new and perfect their skills and try hard.
How can lack of self-confidence affect your child?
When your child has a lack of confidence they may be more willing to believe what others say about them and give in to peer pressure.
They may be less willing to try new things that they want to because they are fearful of failing.
Building self-confidence takes time.
Some children aren’t born with all the self-confidence they need in their lives.
This is normal. It’s our jobs as parents to build them up and help them build up their self-confidence.
It will take time. Especially if you have a perfectionist like I do. My oldest child is a perfectionist. She is less willing to try something new if she doesn’t know for 100% certainty that she will be great at it. Building her self-confidence and her ability to accept failure is taking the time. But that is okay. Most of the time, building self-confidence in a child DOES take time. Here are 7 simple ways to help you along the way.
7 Simple Ways To Build Self-Confidence in Your Child
Use Daily Affirmations.
Do you know what a daily affirmation is? Do you use them with your children?
My husband and I pick 2-3 daily affirmations to repeat with our children every day. I usually try to pick something I know they need to hear.
Some great daily affirmations are: “I am a leader, not a follower.” “I am smart.” “I am kind.” “God loves me.”
Have you ever seen the movie The Help? That’s where I got this idea from. Repeating daily affirmations with your children is a great way to build up their self-confidence. It will remind them of who they are and who God created them to be.
Do you need ideas for daily affirmations? Get a free list below.
Praise Their Creativity.
Creativity can do wonders for a person’s self-confidence. Creating something out of nothing and being told that what you created was truly great, is a wonderful feeling.
This is the same for children. If your child takes the time to present you with a card, a craft, or a gift they created. Praise their creativity.
This will build their self-confidence to explore more aspects of their creativity. Creativity is not just art. It can extend to many different aspects of life. Design, music, art, engineering, cooking, etc. Whatever your child is interested in, chances are they may need to use a bit of creativity.
When you praise their creativity they will be inspired to continue creating.
When your child continues to create what their mind sees, they will become more confident in taking their creativity to the next level. Eventually, they will use this creativity to figure out where they want to take their life journey.
Wait Before You Step In To Help.
If you are anything like my husband, then you want to step in and do it for your child. Right?
It’s easier to step in when our child is struggling with something. Or when our child is taking forever to complete a task. But stepping in and doing it for our children will not build up their self-confidence or help them learn how to complete a task.
Wait before you step in to help your child.
There are times that my daughter is reading to me and really struggling to figure out what a word is. It’s my nature to want to step in and tell her the word, but most of the time I have realized if I wait for a few seconds she will eventually figure out what the word says. This builds her self-confidence, her faith in her ability to read, more than if I was to step in and tell her what the word was.
Validate Their Feelings.
Children have big feelings.
Sometimes we don’t understand these big feelings.
Just because we don’t understand why our child is feeling a certain way does not mean their feelings are not valid. It just means their feelings are different than ours.
Validating their feelings gives our children confidence knowing that they own their feelings. They can be who they are and feel how they feel without being told they are wrong.
Something I always try to say to my children when they are upset about something is “I know you are sad, it’s okay to feel sad.”
This really builds up their confidence and their ability to sort out their feelings.
Do Not Compare Them to Others. Especially Their Siblings.
If you have multiple children then chances are you have noticed the stark differences in personalities.
My mom tells a story of when we were little and in elementary school often. My youngest brother was in third grade, and my mom had a meeting with his third-grade teacher. This teacher also had my older brother in her class a few years before. One of the first things this teacher said was “He’s absolutely nothing like his brother.”
This teacher meant this as a negative thing. My younger brother was more rambunctious, a boys boy. My older brother was calm and attentive. But my mom just looked at her and said “you’re right. He’s not. He’s not his brother.”
Don’t compare your children to their siblings. In doing so you will actually be cutting down their self-confidence and building a rift between them and their siblings.
Praise your child and love them for who they are.
Be Completely Engaged In Their Activities.
When your child is doing a sport or an activity be completely engaged. Put your phone away and focus on what they are doing.
Everyone loves an audience. Especially children. When you are distracted while they are doing their activity, their confidence in their abilities and desire to want to try something will dwindle. “If mommy and daddy don’t care I’m doing this, why should I?”
Teach Accountability to Them.
Teach your child accountability. Why? Because accountability is a lot like trial and error.
Knowing that mommy and daddy won’t step in when they make mistakes help build responsibility.
What comes with responsibility? Self-confidence in their abilities. This is because no one is stepping in at every moment and saving them from things.
The Rewards of Building Self- Confident Children
Having a child with self-confidence comes with many rewards. You get to see them explore their creativity and desires, make mistakes, and correct them and grow as the person God intended them to be.
Second, your child will discover their full potential and dream big. Who doesn’t want their child to dream big?
Related: 14 Best Tips To Overcome Angry Mommy Today
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- Why Consistent Parenting Matters
- 12 Habits of Immensely Peaceful Moms
- 63 Mom Hacks That Are Pure Genius
- Connect With Your Child and Build Up Their Heart
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Hi there, I’m Jenna! I am a devoted mommy and wife. As well as an advocate for children and creating a peaceful atmosphere for those we love. I co-wrote Faith Actually: Living Life After Tragedy with my husband. I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Studies and currently working toward my Master’s in Positive Psychology. My number one desire is to create a peaceful home life for my family. My second desire is to share with you the tips I learn along the way!