Build a Life-Long Marriage: 9 Best Tips From Real Wives

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Best Tips to Build a Life-Long Marriage

Are you looking for ways to build a life-long marriage? I believe Ossie Davis said it best:

There is no secret to a long marriage – it’s hard work…It’s serious business, and certainly not for cowards.

Ossie Davis

My children were watching Henry HuggleMonster the other day when the Grandmonsters said something that caught my attention. One said, “If you rush, it’s much, but if you take your time, it turns out fine.”

Okay, I know that is not super profound, but honestly? It’s truthful. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. The things worth doing? Most are hard work. Parenting, work, cooking a delicious meal. Every one of these things takes work.

Marriage is no exception.

A lifelong marriage will take work. HARD Work. The work, though, is 100% worth it. My husband and I are 12 years into this marriage, 13 years together. In the grand scheme of things, 10 years may not seem long, but we are intentionally well on our way to a life-long commitment.

Related: An open letter to my husband.

Why should you put in the hard work and Build a life-long marriage?

If you are married, chances are you married your spouse for a reason. Sometimes these reasons fade away, especially when life hits us hard.

But having someone to depend on, do life with, laugh with, and raise a family with, man, there’s nothing better.

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:18

Helper. Someone to help us do life. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to do life alone. I picked my husband for a reason. I enjoy his company. I take his advice. His listening ear? It’s my favorite ear. I love him. And in case you haven’t heard, love is a verb. (Channeling DC Talk 1990s here, folks.)

8 years ago, in 2011, my husband and I were newlyweds. I was pregnant with our first son, and we were ready to start a life together as a family of three. But then tragedy happened. I delivered our son early. He lived for six days, and then he passed away.

This tragedy had the potential to tear us apart.

We very well could have allowed it to. After David died, we grieved differently, and neither of us knew how to help the other. But we had agreed that before we were married, nothing would tear us apart. So we worked. We worked harder and harder, and before we knew it, our marriage was stronger than before. We continue to work hard, and our marriage continues to grow stronger.

I have some great tips to share with you on how we protect our marriage, but I am nowhere near an expert, which is why I asked many different women to share their best tips for a successful marriage.

Tips to Successfully Build A Life-Long Marriage

9 wives share their best tips to successfully build a life-long marriage.

1. My husband and I have been married for 26 years.

How we have made it this far is only because of God. I can’t think of a day without him. We are best friends and genuinely love to be together. We laugh all the time, ask for forgiveness quickly when we hurt each other, and forgive every single time. We don’t air our hurts and frustrations on social media. We are careful to only speak good of the other. We love unconditionally, and we make each other a priority (he’s better at most of these things than I am, but he loves me anyway). – Christa

2. 8 years together. 2.5 years married.

We realize that it’s okay to argue. We realize God is our comfort and perfect Father, not each other. We forgive often and strive to love each other the best we can. We avoid drugs and alcohol because we see them tear families apart. We trust in the Lord. – Jessica

3. Married 8 years.

I have learned that the way I THINK my husband should feel loved is not (necessarily)how he actually feels love. Thinking that cooking, cleaning, laundry, rubbing feet, the list goes on, is how I am showing him love is really how I would feel loved. And once I thought about how he feels loved as a way for me to literally say “I love you,” it became much easier to express that.

Also, we recognize when we are not feeling “connected.” If he plays video games several evenings in a row and I sit on the couch watching tv, and we don’t spend time together, we aren’t connected. So we will make it a point to be attentive and spend time together to be connected again. We do this over and over and over, but it works bc we know when we need to tell the other person we don’t feel connected. And because we’re human and have our own needs and wants, we will continue to get disconnected and have to reconnect over and over and over. – Erin

4. Giving the benefit of the doubt is one I think is important too.

My husband and I are on the same team, and not assuming bad intentions has helped greatly. Life is tough sometimes, and our spouses should be able to count on us to believe in them and support them. That’s what God is working on me with anyway. – Chrissie

5. 36 years together – we had a lot to learn, but everything people have already said –

Also, I never speak badly of my husband to anyone ever – even if I’m mad – I keep what’s between us – between us – ( I feel like that’s one of the most important things/ it shows great respect.) Not even to my Mother – that was because she would say, I don’t want to know your arguments because I’m going to get mad at him, and I don’t want to get mad at him when you’re going to forgive him in a day anyway. 😊

We laugh constantly (he’s a funny guy) – we enjoy each other’s company, so we spend time together just a lot – we love each other, so forgiveness comes quick because I never want to hurt him – we give each other respect. We always stuck together on discipline ( there were three of you rugrats – we had to) if we disagreed on discipline – we talked about it out earshot of you manipulative little stinkers.

I was a very spoiled brat, so at first, it was hard for me not to want my way constantly – but I remember a sermon our pastor preached once about a submissive wife – and that’s not a beat upon wife – not a degraded wife – but a wife who treats who husband as the head of the family – and respects him – that helped me a lot – I found that when I listened to his reasoning and we discussed it – things went so much better than if I automatically said I don’t want to do it that way. That was many moons ago – and we rarely are in tune with each other now. Thank the Lord. ” – Diane

6. Married 11 years… by the grace of God, that’s for sure…

when in the vow they say through thick and thin… it’s really thick that makes you stronger… because if you can make it through the tough times, then the easy and happy times will be so much better! Being with someone who makes you laugh when all you want to do is cry. – Tiffany

7. We’re still very much figuring it out…

I believe we always will be, but a few things that came to mind are grace, forgiveness, good communication, and respect. I also remind myself often that we are both flawed humans but a son and daughters of God. I have asked God to give me the ability to see and love my husband the way he does and not the way my shortsighted sinful nature does. Viewing my husband as a blessing can really change an entire day around. – Whitney

8. We just celebrated 10 years.

We’d both been through bad marriages, so we knew what we didn’t want in our relationship. From day one, even before “I do,” we were 100% honest with each other about everything. The little things, our pasts & the daily circus that life brought. This laid the foundation that has allowed our marriage to survive things that would have destroyed most marriages. He is my very best friend. He is the person I find comfort and safety in. I believe that the foundation we laid early on of openness, trust & communication has allowed us to have what we have today. – Misty

9. 1 1/2 years but 6 years of being together.

So far, communication and humility. Trying to remember that your spouse is human and they can’t read your mind. Giving them grace and being able to speak up and talk about things. It’s worked so far.

Didn’t they have amazing advice?

Most of my advice goes right along with what they said. I have a few tips that I follow to protect my own marriage.

• I never speak badly about my spouse to anyone, and he never speaks badly about me. Yes, we have disagreements, but those are not excuses for me to speak badly about him.
• We don’t keep secrets from one another. Not about finances, work, or our pasts. He knows about the guy who hit on me in the grocery store, and I know about the girls who are a little too friendly. Even if it seems insignificant and silly, we tell each other.
• We don’t keep friends of the opposite sex unless they are couple friends.
• We are always on the same page when it comes to our children, if we aren’t, we get on the same page asap.
• We have sex. I know this is private, but I really believe it’s worth mentioning for these reasons: Sex is not a weapon to be used to get your way. (ladies, I’m looking at you.) If you think holding out on your husband will get you what you want, your plan will backfire. Also, as women we may not connect emotionally through sex, but our husbands do. If you’re not having sex, that connection you desire with your husband? It probably won’t happen. Plus sex can (and should be) fun.

The Last Thing You Need to Know: How to Build a Life-Long Marriage.

Marriage is work. It’s HARD work. But trust me, the hard work will pay off if you try to protect your vows and promises, good and bad in sickness and health.

You can have a life-long successful marriage.

Do you have a tip to add to this list? I want to hear it!

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