What is self-regulation?
Self-regulation is being able to control your emotions and remain calm in social situations. Even if the situation is upsetting to you.
Children have a wide range of emotions because they aren’t sure how to express emotions yet. A lot of children don’t even understand their big emotions yet so it’s our job as parents to help them learn what emotions are, how to express them, and how to recognize them.
Why is it important that children learn self-regulation?
When a child does not know how to self-regulate their emotions it then it can lead to big tantrums and meltdowns. Toddler tantrums are normal but as a child grows it’s important to learn how to self-regulate so they can be in a social situation with other people and know how to cope if something doesn’t go their way.
What happens if a child never learns to self-regulate?
If a child never learns to self-regulate then you will have a child who may express her strong feelings often in a social situation that they cannot control. for example, if your child really wants the red crayon but their friend is using the red crown but they don’t know how to accept and self-regulate their feelings during this minor situation it may blow up into something that’s way bigger than what it needs to be.
When a child doesn’t know how to self-regulate their emotions they will grow up to be adults who do not know how to self-regulate their emotions. We cannot live our lives based on our emotions. As moms, we know this. Because if we mother out of our emotions then it may lead to reactive parenting and reactive parenting is draining for everybody in the family.
9 ways to help your child learn to self-regulate.
Show Your Own Self-Regulation
The first place to start when showing your child how to self-regulate is learning how to self-regulate your own emotions. If you are reactive parenting your child will feed off of your emotions and they will also become reactive. Reactive means that you react to situations based on your emotions. We all know that we cannot do this as adults because some situations call for us to be able to be calm and composed.
Practice With Situations at Home When They Arise
A great place to start learning self-regulation is when your child is little and to practice at home when small situations arise. For example, if your child is really wanting to watch a television show but their sister had already picked one, this is a great opportunity to show your child who didn’t get what they want how to self regulate and stay calm even when they’re upset.
Give Your Child An End Goal
Talk to your child about the end goal of self-regulation. It could be the actual end goal which is to raise children who are able to cope in situations. You can explain to your older children how some situations might arise where they will need to learn how to stay calm, and you can talk to your child about those situations. Or you can give your younger children a reward or maybe start a sticker chart to help them learn how to self-regulate with motivation.
Provide Ways of Self-Soothing
Knowing how to self-soothe when you’re upset is a very important skill as a child grows. If you need some ideas of how to teach your child to self-soothe, I have a list here.
Practice With Board Games
Board games are a great way to practice self-regulation because you have a clear winner and loser in each game. You can teach the winner of the games how to be an acceptable winner. Not a sore winner, not somebody who brags about winning.
You can teach the loser of the game how to not be a sore loser and explain that games are exactly just games and you might win one time and you might lose the next. We need to learn how to control our disappointment if we lose and control our ego if we win.
Give Examples From Books
Books are an excellent source of life lessons for your children. They may not even realize they are learning anything while you are reading to them. Find books that have a wonderful example of self-regulation and disappointment that your child can learn from.
Keep Your Child’s Weak Spots/Triggers in Mind
If you know your child struggles with a certain area or has a certain trigger when they go out in public be mindful of those triggers and weak spots. Try your best to either prepare your child if you know it’s inevitable that they’re going to be in a situation where they struggle or try not to put them in a situation where they struggle if it’s not necessary.
Teach Your Child to Name Their Feelings
Being able to recognize and name big feelings is an important part of self-regulation whether you’re a child or an adult. Just start by teaching your child what emotions are, why they might be feeling certain emotions, and how to name these emotions.
Encourage Your Child
Encouragement goes a long way and this is especially true for children. When you see your child is doing really good at self-regulation encourage them to continue the progress. Give them praise and let them know that you are proud of them.
If your child is struggling to learn how to self-regulate, then encourage them to continue even though it’s hard. Let your child know they can do hard things and that in the end, the work is worth it.
Self-Regulation Skills Take Practice and Time.
No one learns how to self-regulate overnight. This is a skill that takes time, practice, and relentless intentionality. But self-regulation skills are important skills to have as we grow. Some children are more prone to emotional meltdown than others, so it might be a little trickier to teach self-regulation with that child. Continue to put in the work Momma you can do it and it is worth it!
If you are new to the Peaceful Nest Blog, welcome!
Be sure to read my top posts on parenting:
- Why Consistent Parenting Matters
- 12 Habits of Immensely Peaceful Moms
- 63 Mom Hacks That Are Pure Genius
- Connect With Your Child and Build Up Their Heart
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Hi there, I’m Jenna! I am a devoted mommy and wife. As well as an advocate for children and creating a peaceful atmosphere for those we love. I co-wrote Faith Actually: Living Life After Tragedy with my husband. I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Studies and currently working toward my Master’s in Positive Psychology. My number one desire is to create a peaceful home life for my family. My second desire is to share with you the tips I learn along the way!