Beating the Comparison Trap

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Are you stuck in the comparison trap?

When we are young, a comparison trap can look much different than they do as adults.

Kids who fall into this comparison tramp compare clothes, friends, grades.

But as kids grow into adults, the comparison game looks a bit different.

“Did you see where Jane went on vacation? It must be nice to be able to afford such a fancy vacation every couple of months. ”

“Can you believe she’s HOMESCHOOLING her children? Doesn’t she know her kids are going be such social rejects?”

“Look at Tina’s new house, I wish I had a yard that big.”

Then comparisons go on and on. Sometimes judging others for their decision or secretly envying their success. Usually keeping it all to ourselves, making snide comments on social media, or sharing with a close friend.

But what does God say about comparison, envy, and judgments?

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

James 3:14-15

God tells us plain as day, envy and selfish ambition are not from Him. Getting stuck in a comparison trap takes us away from where God wants to lead us and down an earthly and unspiritual path.

What is the comparison trap?

A comparison trap is when you compare anything about your life to another person’s life.

As moms, we tend to focus mainly on our parenting (or the parenting of other people), spouses, and our children.

Examples would be comparing your parenting style to that of a friend (or something who isn’t a friend.) Either putting yourself on a pedestal or kicking yourself because you don’t live up to what you perceive as the perfect parent.

Why do we fall into this comparison trap?

There are several reasons we fall into a comparison trap. If we get stuck in gossip, it becomes easy to judge other people, especially moms, for not parenting the way you think they should.

Or maybe you don’t feel like you are a good enough mom. Maybe you keep peeking into other people’s lives on social media, convinced theirs is perfect and your life is somehow mediocre.

Maybe you are self-sabotaging your efforts because you don’t feel good enough or like you deserve the happy life you want.

Sometimes we set goals for ourselves but have a difficult time achieving them when we think they should be met. When this happens, it’s easy to look at other people meeting their goals and become jealous.

We start to forget, we don’t know what it has taken for someone to get to where they are. No one’s journey is easy and smooth all along the way.

Lastly, it’s possible you may have too high expectations.

Maybe you expect too much out of your children, spouse, and yourself. When no one meets your expectations, you become frustrated at failings.

Don’t fall prey to the Social Media trap

Social media. You gotta love it and hate it. Social media is amazing for so many reasons.

But it is terrible for so many more reasons as well.

When we get sucked into social media, We see a small window into a person’s life and we think we know them and their life.

We feel inferior. Maybe we aren’t doing enough with the kids, did you see that cute craft Susie did with her son today?

Yes, you saw the cute craft. What you didn’t see were the tantrums, sibling squabbles, and mommy meltdown that all happened BEFORE this picture was snapped.

Social media is not real life. It’s not even close. People will only show you what they want you to see.

Enjoy it, but don’t allow social media to zap the life out of you and cause you to become envious and complacent with your own life.

Tips for stopping the comparison trap

Remember, social media is not real.

Not really. Yes, you get glimpses into another person’s life, but as I said, you only see what they want you to see and hear.

There’s even a chance, that person on your friends’ list is lying. It’s not a fun thing to talk about, but people abuse social media all the time. Using it to create an alternate universe of how they want to be portrayed.

I think most of us know at least one person in real life whose FB or Instagram account we can look at and say “hmmm, I know none of that is true.”

So, use social media, enjoy it. Just don’t let it convince you your life isn’t good enough. Because trust me, your life isn’t any less beautiful than anyone else’s.

Not everyone deserves to be privy to your life.

There are some things you can keep private. You do not have to post every single event that happens in your life.

Also, you are allowed to deny a friend request even if you know a person. (Just thought I’d throw that out there 🙂 )

Be choosy about what you share with people. It’s worth it, trust me.

Practice self-love.

I had an amusing conversation with my daughters the other day. Miss B asked me if I loved myself. I said yes, of course, I do. Miss S said I love myself! Which made Miss B giggle.

Miss S said “what? Mawmaw loves herself. She says it’s important to love herself.”

Miss B asked me if I thought that was true and I replied, “absolutely, mawmaw always taught me to love myself and who God made me. I want you all to love yourselves for who God made you too.”

Everyone has something about themselves they don’t like. I know I do, but I have always been happy with who I am because I am confident in who God made me.

Learn to love yourself for who you are. You are a beautiful, smart, amazing individual. The more we love who God made us, the less likely we will be able to fall into a habit of comparing ourselves and families to others.

Lower your expectations.

Sometimes our expectations of ourselves and families can be too high. I know for fact I am guilty of this.

Do you ever expect your napper to do something without a nap right in the middle of NAPTIME? Then look back and think “that was a terrible idea?”

Sometimes we get overzealous and over commit. But when we lower our expectations a tad, we realize how much joy and happiness our life can bring in the imperfectness.

Focus on the real people in your life.

You have a real family right in front of you. Friends and loved ones who love your attention.

Give your focus to those around you and fill your heart up with affection and love.

When you do this, there won’t be much room for bitterness and jealousy.

The Last Thing You Need to Know about the Comparison Trap

Being in the comparison trap is not a fun place to be. It can cause bitterness and hurt, especially to those around you.

No one in your family, including you, benefit from being compared to someone else. Your spouse and children are unique individuals with their personalities and strengths.

Comparing your family to another person will only cause hurt. Comparing yourself to another person will only cause your anxiety and stunt you right where you are at.

Instead of focusing on comparisons, focus on what and who is important to you. Keep in mind everyone is different and that is a good thing!

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• Why Consistent Parenting Matters
• 12 Habits of Immensely Peaceful Moms
• 63 Mom Hacks That are Pure Genius

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