Myths We Believe As Moms, and Why They Suck
Okay mamas, as a mom there are ideas out there that we have been told from society or that we tend to believe. But the truth is these myths we believe as moms are lies, and honestly, they suck. We can start losing our ability to be a peaceful parent if we give into these lies.
What is a myth? It is a a widely held but false belief or idea.
This is a story that I have shared before but I’m going to share it again.
Do you guys know the term mommy wars? Well when I had my oldest daughter there were a lot of mommy wars going on on my social media.
When Miss B was born she was born at 32 weeks. Her older brother David was born at 27 weeks, and he did not make it.
I had been on hospital bed rest with Miss B for five week. Then she spent four weeks in the NICU.
When David was born, I was 27 weeks into my pregnancy with him, my milk came in and I was pumping. He wasn’t able to take a bottle yet.
After he passed away, six days later my milk supply was still coming in. As a grieving mom this was extremely hard for me because I had to do what they call pump and dump.
I had to wean my breast milk by pumping and dumping, gradually increasing the time in between pumps. Eventually I had to stop pumping.
If someone had told me that I could continue to pump for other children in need of milk, I probably would have taking them up on the offer.
No one had explained to me how traumatic this experience would be on my body.
When Miss B was born I wanted to breast-feed her. I pumped on the clock but I was only able to pump a certain amount. Then for no reason that we could figure out my breast milk supply started dwindling.
I worked with a lactation consultant and I tried everything I could but I just could not produce any more milk.
While this was going on there were a few friends on my Facebook that were sprouting the idea that breast is best.
I am not disputing this belief. I do believe breastmilk is great. But these women were also condemning anyone who chooses to use formula for any reason.
This was extremely difficult for me. I already had anxiety after losing David.
Then being in the hospital with Miss B so long. I starting to believe the thought that I was not doing what was best for my child. That I needed to try harder to give my child breast milk, causing me to have more anxiety.
This lie took my peace for a short amount of time. But then I realized exactly what it was, a lie. I was still a great mom and I had done everything I possibly could to give my child the best start to her life.
What are some myths we believe as moms or society believe about moms?
If you sacrifice self care you are a good mom.
Have you ever met a woman who is proud of the fact that she does not take care of herself?
I have.
There is an idea out there that says the worse you look as a mom, the worse you feel as a mom, the better you are at BEING a mom.
This idea is so twisted to me. Because what you are teaching your child when you sacrifice self-care is that Moms don’t deserve to take care of their most basic needs.
Instead of giving into this lie of you are only a good mom if you sacrifice your self-care, start telling yourself that you are a great mom and you deserve to take care of yourself. Because when you take care of yourself you are teaching your children. And teaching your children that they are important as an adult when they grow up (especially if you have daughters) IS being a good mom.
If you take time for yourself your kids are neglected.
This one can go along with self-care and sacrificing self-care. I have met moms who believe that they should not do anything unless it has to do with their children.
There is a lie out there that says if you take time for yourself, whether it’s to go to a spa, or get your nails done without your children, or get your hair done, or even go to the grocery store by yourself, then your children are neglected.
As long as your child’s basic needs are taken care of and they are in the care of a safe adult, while you take a few minutes or an hour or a couple of hours to be by yourself and recharge, then your child is not neglected. They are loved.
If you spend money on yourself you are neglecting your children.
Okay so there’s a meme has been floating around social media for several years and I cannot stand it. It goes something like: I will spend $300 on my children without giving it a second thought but I hate spending $20 on myself.
Granted I could spend $300 on my children without giving it a second thought because I absolutely love to spoil my children.
But I also love to spoil myself. And there’s an ideal that if you spend $300 on yourself and not on your children then maybe you’re neglecting them a little bit. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend money on yourself especially if you worked hard to earn it..
Mom doesn’t matter.
This lie is more of a broad one. It’s the ideal that everyone’s needs matter above mom’s needs.
But Momma, your needs do matter.
You cannot parent from peace if you are sacrificing everything that makes you a human being.
Your needs, your wants, your relationships, your self-care. All of those things are important as a mother and as a human being. Mom matters just as much as Dad matters. Mom matters just as much as the children matter.
Instead of buying into the lie that mom does not matter as much as everyone else, start telling yourself that mom matters so much, mom needs to be taken care of because mom is the one who is taking care of most of everybody else.
When I became a mom I gave up my right to be anything else.
There’s a lie floating around that believes if you are Mom that is all you are. But instead of believing that lie, try to remember that you were somebody before you became a mom.
Yes, you are a mom.
Being a mother is so beautiful and it is important. But you are so much more than just a mom. There are aspects of you that make you who you are and there is nothing wrong with having big dreams, even if you are a mom.
Being a stay at home mom means I need to sacrifice self care.
There is an idea that believes if you’re a stay at home mom then you need to sacrifice self-care.
Because you chose to stay home with your children so there is no reason that you need to get dressed every single day.
There is no reason that you need to shower and take care of yourself with personal hygiene.
Now I know that some women like to stay in their pajamas all day and don’t like the shower very often.
That is fine, whatever you wanna do, but even as a stay at home mom, I believe that it is important to us take care of yourself . Not sacrifice your most basic needs just because you stay home with your children.
Your children will be okay if you take a 10 minute shower. And your children will be okay if you sit down and eat a hot meal. It is important to take care of yourself even if you are a stay at home mom.
Being a working mom is selfish.
There is another lie floating around out there that believes being a working mom is selfish.
The decisions that a woman makes for her family are between her husband and herself and not for anybody else’s input. Instead of believing the lie that working as a mom is selfish, be proud that you are doing something that you love and contributing to your family’s finances. You are showing your children that women can work to and can love their careers.
Whether you work at home or work out of the house, it doesn’t matter. Working is not selfish. This goes along with the lie that when you chose to be a mom that is all you are. But you are so much more than just a mom and if your desire is to have a career and do something then by golly do it. And be proud of it.
If you are a stay at home mom you don’t work.
There is an attitude that goes around believing that stay at home moms don’t work.
This is such a lie. There are so many women that will tell you that being a stay at home mom has them busier than ever. They will tell you that they work harder as a stay at home mom than they ever did as a working mom.
I have been asked before, what I do now as a living. And when I tell people that I stay at home with my children or I work from home with my children some say oh so you are just a mom? I wish I had that job.
Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work. It is just as much work as it is being a mom working out of the house. Or a work from home mom. Nothing about being a mom is easy.
Let’s get rid of the myths we believe as moms and false believes that we have of ourselves and society has of moms.
Being a mom is not easy.
But that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice yourself to be a good mom. It does not mean that you have to buy into these lies and myths we believe as moms in order to be a good mom.
Because the truth is when we start buying into these myths we believe as moms and other lies (because there’s so many more out there about what makes a good mom or how we are supposed to be as a mom) that is when we start to lose our peace and we start to forget who God has created us to be. We start to believe that we can only be a certain way as a mom.
But you are so much more mama, you are a super woman! Be proud of it.
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- Why Consistent Parenting Matters
- 12 Habits of Immensely Peaceful Moms
- 63 Mom Hacks That are Pure Genius
- Connect With Your Child and Build Up Their Heart
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Hi there, I’m Jenna! I am a devoted mommy and wife. As well as an advocate for children and creating a peaceful atmosphere for those we love. I co-wrote Faith Actually: Living Life After Tragedy with my husband. I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Studies and currently working toward my Master’s in Positive Psychology. My number one desire is to create a peaceful home life for my family. My second desire is to share with you the tips I learn along the way!