What I Wish People Knew About Losing My Son
When tragedies occur it isn’t uncommon for a person to be told how strong they are.
I remember when my son died I was told by numerous individuals that I was the strongest person they knew. I was tough. If only they were as strong as me. They wouldn’t be able to survive such a loss. But they didn’t understand what I truly wish people knew about losing my son.
I am still told all of this quite frequently, to be honest.
It is usually as soon as someone finds out we had a son and then he died. I don’t tell others about my son to gain sympathy or be told how truly strong I am. I talk about him because I want others to know that he existed. He was here. David was and still is very important. He is a vital part of my family.
Here’s what I wish people knew: I don’t talk about him to be told how strong I am.
Here is the thing. I already know I am strong. I have known my whole life that I am a strong person and woman.
My mother is a strong woman. My Mamaw was a strong woman. No, I already know I am a strong.
When my Mamaw lost her dad in a coal mining accident she had no choice but to get through it.
She took care of her siblings.
Raised the younger ones.
When she had a tubal pregnancy during her first and only pregnancy it caused her to lose not only her precious baby but both her tubes as well. Making it impossible for her to ever conceive again.
She had no choice but to get through it.
You see later on she saw two precious babies that needed a home and she took that opportunity to provide that loving home for those babies by adopting them.
She wouldn’t have seen that opportunity if she didn’t realize that in life you have no choice but to to get through the tough things if you want to see the beautiful things.
When my Mamaw had a stroke that left her paralyzed, unable to talk, or eat. my Mom brought her home to live with her.
She took care of her for six years. Took care of her every need. She knew that she had no choice but to get through it and she was going to channel all the strength she had so her mother could be comfortable and around family in her last years. She didn’t have to do it but she did it anyway. It was hard on her at times. However, she was able to spend several beautiful years with her mom that she wouldn’t have gotten if she didn’t know that sometimes in life you have to make the hard decisions and they can often have some beauty within them.
When I lost my son David I wanted to die right alongside of him.
But I couldn’t. That wasn’t an option. I buried my son and grieved during what seemed like a blur of weeks or months. Then I was put on hospital bed rest with my daughter B for four weeks. She was born early at 32 weeks and we had another NICU stay. Now I have two wonderful daughters that the Lord has blessed me with and a beautiful life with my husband. Do I miss my son? Absolutely, but I have been able to see just how beautiful life can be despite tragedy. This is because I know that in life you simply have no choice but to get through the loss. Losing my son showed me that sometimes in life you simply have no choice.
If only more people knew, you get through it because you have to.
Yes I am strong. But losing my son did not create that strength inside of me. It has always been there. I believe that everyone has that strength inside of them. When people tell me that they couldn’t do it. I want to say to them just pray you never have to do it.
Because when it comes down to it you can if you have to because you simply have no choice but to get through it.
I have recently read a quote that summed it all up for me.
“When you survive loss everyone is quick to tell you how strong you are and how tough you must be. But actually, no one has a choice to survive grief do they…. it’s not optional. You just have to cry in the shower, sob into your pillow, and pray you will make it.”
Zoe Clark-Coates
That is it. That is what I wish people knew.
I lost my son but that doesn’t make me the strongest person alive. There are so many others who lose their children as well. Or people who lose other loved ones. There are those who go through other unimaginable tragedies.
They are strong too.
Some choose to share that pain with their friends and family and others choose to keep it to themselves. Neither one is the right way.
You see each person gets through grief and trials of this life however they need to. They get through in whichever way works for them.
Because they simply have no choice.
I get through by sharing mine with you.
Have a beautiful day,
Jenna
If you are someone who needs help getting through loss please feel free to contact me.
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