Your Baby’s Memory: 4 Ways to Keep It Alive

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4 Ways to Keep Your Baby’s Memory Alive

When your baby dies, you want to try everything in your power to keep your baby’s memory alive. In today’s society, when a baby dies often times their memory goes right along with them. Sometimes it feels like people want to forget your baby existed. They will pretend to forget their birthday. They will acknowledge your living children but turn away when you mention your dead baby’s name.

99% of the time this is not done with malice intent.

Nor is it intentionally.

Ignoring you baby’s death is simply easier.

This way non bereaved parents and others aren’t uncomfortable. They can continue to live in their bubble where child loss does not occur and if it does happen, it is only on a rare occasion.

As a grieving mother, I often feel like I am swimming against the current. Going upstream when everyone is traveling the opposite way. How then do you keep your baby’s memory alive in a world that is content to pretend child loss doesn’t exist?

4 Simple Ways to Keep Your Baby’s Memory Alive.

Write about your child.

When David died, many people were quick to surround me with love and support. A few weeks later, I looked around and saw that support had dwindled. Many people went about their lives, trying to forget my son’s death, or maybe they had already forgotten. They didn’t want to talk about him any longer, he was dead. What more was there to say?

God needed another angel Jenna.

It’s about time you moved on.

You’ll have another baby someday and then your family will be complete.

I needed to talk about David though. I longed to discuss the pain I was feeling. It was a necessity in my healing process and in keeping my baby’s memory alive.

I turned to writing.

And I started a blog.

I wrote in my journal and eventually my husband and I wrote a book. I long to talk about my son because he existed.

David is important and loved.

Every baby that has gone to soon is important and loved. Talking about our dead children is not something we do for attention.

We do it because it’s the one way we can mother them.

It is one way we can keep their memory alive while the rest of the world moves on.

Celebrate your child’s birthday.

There are many ways to celebrate your child’s birthday. Some women choose to bake a cake and blow out candles. Other women have a birthday party.

My family and I go out to David’s grave site every birthday.

I buy six blue balloons to represent the amount of days he lived. I also buy green balloons in the number of years old he would have been. For example, this year I will be buying seven green balloons and six blue balloons.

We all gather at his grave site. We sing happy birthday and if someone wants to say something to him they do. And then we release the balloons. Miss B likes to draw David a picture for his birthday and sometimes I will take her to the store so she can pick out a present for him.

It may look different in your family, but celebrating your child’s birthday every year can be a healing way to keep their memory alive.

Display photos of your child.

We have photos of David displayed in our home. When someone walks in our house one of the first photos they see is a big one of David on our wall next to a poem. The reason we do this is because David was and always will be an important part of our life and family.

Talk about your child.

We speak openly about David to anyone and everyone. I understand not everyone is comfortable speaking about their dead children. Some people desire to keep their child private.

That is okay too.

If you desire to speak about your child though, do not be afraid to do so. Our living children know about their big brother. As difficult as it is to explain death and sickness to a child, I believe it will be easier in the long run. They have a right to know about their brother David.

The other day my daughter was filling out a family tree. It asked how many brothers and sister she had. I became a bit nervous when we arrived at the “I have ___ brothers.” What would she say? Would she include David? Would she say zero? Which would be easier for her? All those thoughts and more raced through my mind. She looked at me and said excitedly “mommy I have two brothers! I have one up in heaven and I have one who hasn’t been adopted yet.”

My heart was full.

Whenever someone asks me how many children I have, I always include David. It may make the person asking uncomfortable. Maybe it is difficult to hear a bereaved parent talk about their dead baby . It is important for me to do this though because this is how I keep David’s memory alive. I speak about him and always include him as a part of our family, because he is an important part. If that makes someone uncomfortable then o well. I don’t talk about David for someone else. I talk about him to honor his memory and for my family and me.

What today’s society refuses to acknowledge is the world where child loss does exist.

1 in 4 women suffer child loss. It is vital to keep the memories alive of these precious babies. The child loss community is making great strides in breaking down barriers and preconceived notions about child death. It will only be when bereaved families can feel heard and their children acknowledged that we know our job is done.

Joining in the effort to break down the taboo notion is another way to keep our baby’s memories alive.

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